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My Heart

It is truly a blessing that I can turn to writing for so many profitable reasons. I love sharing what God has revealed to me through His Word. I love being vulnerable and open about the real issues that I face as a Christian in this world. I love sharing my heart with whoever may read my thoughts. Good or bad, easy or hard, highs or lows, rejoicing or weeping, I am thankful for the opportunities to express my heart through writing. What a gracious gift of God! What an undeserved treasure!

I guess I am writing today (way past my bedtime) in one of the lowest points of my life. The reasons for this valley are not important. They are secondary to the real burden that is on my heart.

I have so often prayed asking God to do whatever it takes to make me more like Jesus Christ. I boldly proclaim before the throne, “Do whatever it takes, God, to make me like your Son, Jesus. I am ready for it. Bring it on!”

I sit here in tears saying that perhaps for the first time in my life, I don’t know if I really mean that. If God came to me right now and asked me if I would rather endure this trial and become like Christ or have life neatly laid out before me so I didn’t have to worry, I’m afraid that I would selfishly choose the easy life rather than endure the feelings of numbness, fear, and confusion that accompany this trial. God, help me!

But, do you know what makes writing such a tremendous blessing to me? God ministers to me through it. He encourages me through it. He lifts me up through it. Even now through the tears, He is speaking to me. “Remember Philippians 4. You were given a reminder just this morning!”

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:12-13

I write to you as a needy man. And the only true satisfaction of my greatest need is found in Christ. That’s what Paul is getting at in Philippians when he says to rejoice in the Lord always. Circumstances and environment can never undo the glorious reality that I have been bought by the blood of Jesus Christ and that I, who was a hopelessly depraved sinner, have been given eternal life because Jesus took my place under the hand of God’s wrath.

Merciful God,

I pray that in your goodness you might teach me the great peace that accompanies contentment. Help me to find the entirety of my satisfaction in Christ alone. Help me to know that Christ is my life. Help me to trust that your greatest desire of making me like Jesus is also one of the greatest blessings that I could ever experience. I long to know Christ! And when I don’t, I pray that you would graciously turn my heart back towards Christ and His goodness. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for your promises to me. Thank you for Jesus. Because knowing Him is worth more than life itself, I praise you. May this trial serve to glorify your name and sanctify your servant.

In the power and authority and Lordship of Christ, I pray. Amen.

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