It has been awhile since I've written anything, but that certainly doesn't mean that nothing has been happening or that I haven't been learning and growing in my faith.
My only purpose in writing today is to share an update and hopefully encourage anyone who reads that God is good and faithful and unchanging. I still often feel like a spiritual infant when it comes to these truths, but by God's grace, I am learning to trust Him more and more.
I am currently on terminal leave from the Navy, which basically means that I am using the last of my vacation days before my enlistment officially ends on August 23rd. I've been getting outside a lot and throwing frisbees and riding my sweet new bike. I've made some new friends who need Jesus. Elyse and I are gearing up for the church plant and have been attending weekly meetings to worship together with the rest of our friends who make up Christ the King Church. I will spend next week at home visiting family and some of my old disc golf stomping grounds and hopefully find a game of Ultimate (Frisbee) or two. And then it is time for school to start on August 28th! I already have homework, which is weird for a guy who hasn't been in school in 6 years and was never expected to do half as much reading as will be normal each semester of seminary. There will be some growing pains here, I'm sure.
So, those are the basics. I do want to share a couple of things that God has been doing in my life. I won't say that any of them are helping my pride any, which is exactly what I need.
The thought of pastoral ministry brings with it anxiety, fear, and doubt because of the magnitude of responsibility set before me. Who am I to lead and shepherd the eternal souls and fragile hearts of others when I myself so often stray like a lost sheep? Who am I to call others to holiness when I myself seem to despise it so frequently when I choose earthly mud pies over eternal glories and the riches of Christ?
What I am learning is that no matter how much soul-searching I do, the answer to those questions will never be found in me. The answer is only found in Christ. While the call to be holy is real and never to be taken lightly, the only affirmation and qualification that will ever truly qualify any man for church leadership is only by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. I can't do enough good works to be qualified to be a pastor any more than I could earn my salvation by keeping the Law. It isn't possible.
So there is freedom in Christ to never fear or doubt or have any anxiety about ministry because God equips men to shepherd His Church for His glory. I don't doubt that seminary is exactly where I ought to be and I still expect to be a pastor some day, but not because of my talents and abilities, but because of God's wisdom and grace.
This leads to the other big thing that God is teaching me: if God is the one who calls and equips men for ministry, He will mold me into the man who can be an effective minister of the Gospel and under-shepherd of His sheep. I can count on it. It isn't a maybe. God is never dismayed by the areas of weakness still so prevalent in my life! He is completely sovereign over all of them.
This can be so hard to accept for me because I know my heart. I know how far short I fall daily. I know how apathetic I can be at times towards the things of God and how passionate I can be about earthly things. I know how lazy I can be and how there are times that I simply choose not to pursue relationship with Christ and others.
But the more I look at myself and bemoan my heart condition, the less grace i experience.
There is the rub. I will not become who God is calling me to be by trying harder in my flesh. The victory is not in my flesh, but in my faith. For all of us, John says that our faith is the victory that overcomes the world. And it will be no different for my call to pastoral ministry.
I find such solace when I think of Moses. He was burdened for his people and tried to break up fights and even killed an Egyptian who was harming an Israelite. At that time, his efforts resulted in failure, but years later God came to him and told him that the burden he felt for Israel was first and foremost God's burden for Israel. The next thing out of God's mouth is amazing to me. He told Moses to go therefore to Egypt to save Israel.
I sense in a very similar way that God has put a burden on my heart for the local church, which is his burden first. And I trust that in his perfect timing, he will bring me to a place of usefulness and fruitfulness for His glory.
I am so excited because I am truly starting to believe that in a profoundly new and greater way. I'm starting to believe it in a way that will change my life. I'm believing it like God has always desired me to.
My name is Matt. I have been called by God to become a partaker of grace through Jesus Christ. It is God's will that I be sanctified and conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus. And His promises never fail. He is faithful and will surely do it.
What a day it will be to look back over so many ups and downs and see clearly how God was working it all for good. I am eager to see how he will write the next chapter of my testimony and how it will be a testimony that speaks highly of His goodness and grace to me. And I am eager to see how His goodness in Christ to me might bring fame and glory and honor to Jesus Christ.
My only purpose in writing today is to share an update and hopefully encourage anyone who reads that God is good and faithful and unchanging. I still often feel like a spiritual infant when it comes to these truths, but by God's grace, I am learning to trust Him more and more.
I am currently on terminal leave from the Navy, which basically means that I am using the last of my vacation days before my enlistment officially ends on August 23rd. I've been getting outside a lot and throwing frisbees and riding my sweet new bike. I've made some new friends who need Jesus. Elyse and I are gearing up for the church plant and have been attending weekly meetings to worship together with the rest of our friends who make up Christ the King Church. I will spend next week at home visiting family and some of my old disc golf stomping grounds and hopefully find a game of Ultimate (Frisbee) or two. And then it is time for school to start on August 28th! I already have homework, which is weird for a guy who hasn't been in school in 6 years and was never expected to do half as much reading as will be normal each semester of seminary. There will be some growing pains here, I'm sure.
So, those are the basics. I do want to share a couple of things that God has been doing in my life. I won't say that any of them are helping my pride any, which is exactly what I need.
The thought of pastoral ministry brings with it anxiety, fear, and doubt because of the magnitude of responsibility set before me. Who am I to lead and shepherd the eternal souls and fragile hearts of others when I myself so often stray like a lost sheep? Who am I to call others to holiness when I myself seem to despise it so frequently when I choose earthly mud pies over eternal glories and the riches of Christ?
What I am learning is that no matter how much soul-searching I do, the answer to those questions will never be found in me. The answer is only found in Christ. While the call to be holy is real and never to be taken lightly, the only affirmation and qualification that will ever truly qualify any man for church leadership is only by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. I can't do enough good works to be qualified to be a pastor any more than I could earn my salvation by keeping the Law. It isn't possible.
So there is freedom in Christ to never fear or doubt or have any anxiety about ministry because God equips men to shepherd His Church for His glory. I don't doubt that seminary is exactly where I ought to be and I still expect to be a pastor some day, but not because of my talents and abilities, but because of God's wisdom and grace.
This leads to the other big thing that God is teaching me: if God is the one who calls and equips men for ministry, He will mold me into the man who can be an effective minister of the Gospel and under-shepherd of His sheep. I can count on it. It isn't a maybe. God is never dismayed by the areas of weakness still so prevalent in my life! He is completely sovereign over all of them.
This can be so hard to accept for me because I know my heart. I know how far short I fall daily. I know how apathetic I can be at times towards the things of God and how passionate I can be about earthly things. I know how lazy I can be and how there are times that I simply choose not to pursue relationship with Christ and others.
But the more I look at myself and bemoan my heart condition, the less grace i experience.
There is the rub. I will not become who God is calling me to be by trying harder in my flesh. The victory is not in my flesh, but in my faith. For all of us, John says that our faith is the victory that overcomes the world. And it will be no different for my call to pastoral ministry.
I find such solace when I think of Moses. He was burdened for his people and tried to break up fights and even killed an Egyptian who was harming an Israelite. At that time, his efforts resulted in failure, but years later God came to him and told him that the burden he felt for Israel was first and foremost God's burden for Israel. The next thing out of God's mouth is amazing to me. He told Moses to go therefore to Egypt to save Israel.
I sense in a very similar way that God has put a burden on my heart for the local church, which is his burden first. And I trust that in his perfect timing, he will bring me to a place of usefulness and fruitfulness for His glory.
I am so excited because I am truly starting to believe that in a profoundly new and greater way. I'm starting to believe it in a way that will change my life. I'm believing it like God has always desired me to.
My name is Matt. I have been called by God to become a partaker of grace through Jesus Christ. It is God's will that I be sanctified and conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus. And His promises never fail. He is faithful and will surely do it.
What a day it will be to look back over so many ups and downs and see clearly how God was working it all for good. I am eager to see how he will write the next chapter of my testimony and how it will be a testimony that speaks highly of His goodness and grace to me. And I am eager to see how His goodness in Christ to me might bring fame and glory and honor to Jesus Christ.
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