I’m scared of grace. And this realization comes in the midst of a journey I’ve been on that has the fingerprints of God all over it.
If we were to gather 50 Christians in the same room and invite people to share adjectives that come to mind when trying to describe “grace,” I doubt “scary” would be anyone’s answer. (It probably wouldn’t be mine either, in case anyone is thinking I’m exalting this term in some sort of holier-than-thou way.) We’d hear things like amazing, undeserved, free, kind, love. Of course, it’s inevitable that the crucifixion of Jesus is vocalized in some way. Essentially, we’d have a huge list of very positive and affirming adjectives that rightly depict the wonderful activity and riches of God’s grace.
What if we asked a slightly different question?
How would we answer, “how does a person obtain grace?” I’m guessing we’d start throwing out answers like, “confess your sins,” or “trust Jesus.” But those answers feel a bit hollow to me if we’ve just concluded that grace is not a merit-based, cause-and-effect phenomenon. If God is entirely free to lavish or withhold grace as He pleases, how can grace be something we have any say in?
Because grace (conceptually speaking) is free, it can’t be manipulated, coerced, required, demanded. We can’t predict it or assume it. We don’t earn it. And we can’t dictate how, when it is given, it manifests itself. In other words, we can’t create rigid definitions or specific outcomes that eliminate other avenues and possibilities of how the gift of grace may come.
This is in large part due to what Spurgeon describes in the quote at the outset of this writing. Grace is king wherever and whenever it exists, because God is the sovereign distributor of unmerited favor. He’s the exclusive source and enactor of grace, including who receives it and what form it takes.
I’m scared of grace, because God is under no obligation to gift it to me. Sure, we want to avoid saying that God can fall back on the promises He’s made or the salvation that has come to those who have trusted in Jesus. He has been incredibly gracious to me, making me a new creation in Jesus Christ, and that work of salvation will continue on and be brought to completion at the revelation of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:6). God is in a real sense constrained by what He has declared He will do in and through Jesus to save sinners.
But when we begin to consider personal purpose and mission, grace is more ambiguous…and frightening. Experientially, I am speaking of the burden to help plant and pastor a multiethnic community of followers of Jesus in west Racine, WI.
Here’s what I know. 1) God is passionate about seeing people from ALL nations, tongues, backgrounds, etc. reconciled by the blood of Jesus and adopted into the family of God. 2) There is ethnic diversity in Racine that allows for a multiethnic communities to be formed. 3) God has shared His heart with me to see a glimpse of Revelation 7 realized in the here and now. 4) I have unique gifts and abilities to serve such a community in a leadership capacity.
If grace were a cause and effect or linear occurrence, the above realities would necessitate God producing the desired result of a new community of diverse believers for me to help equip to live purpose-filled lives on mission for Jesus. But because grace isn’t such a phenomenon, God isn’t under obligation to act. There is no assurance that the vision I’ve shared is ever realized, because it will always be dependent upon grace and not upon me.
Of course, there is confidence that God is actually in the process of doing the very things that will result in such a community in our new neighborhood, because He delights to advance His kingdom and resurrect the dead. There is plenty of faith that we’ve been created for such a time as this. There is reason to believe that we are hearing the opening notes of a glorious symphony of missional awe and wonder. But it’s up to God. And He is not under any obligation. His goodness isn’t at stake. He won’t be found to have back tracked upon His promises in this situation.
Grace is scary, because it’s out of my control. I can’t demand the outcome I want. I can’t bargain for it, either. I’ve looked out over the disorienting cliff of grace into the chasm of the unknown…and let go. And that has set me free.
I’ve never been the charismatic guy whose magnetism gathered people like moths to a porch light. I’ve simply tried to live on fire for Jesus with a passion for seeing His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. I’ve probably turned away more folks than I’ve gathered as I’ve dared to hope against hope to see beautiful things created from ashes by God’s divine power to raise the dead and restore all things to their glimmering newness promised in Christ. The time is short; the demands for this type of thing so high, that any substitute simply won’t suffice. It’s all or nothing. There is no fall back, no plan B. I’m too compelled by the vision to settle for “good enough.” And I have zero interest in using my gifts toward a different end or purpose within the local Church.
And all I’ve got to rely on is the free prerogative of God to do something miraculous.
And that’s a good place to be. It’s the only place to be. I’m free.
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