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Dear God

Dear God,


I can’t remember the last time my heart was in such shambles. Perhaps it has never been in quite as pathetic a state as it is right now. I can reflect on a season that seemed like it would never end in which I felt unashamed to stand confidently before you. Looking back, I wonder if it was in my power that I stood, neglecting to put my reliance completely on you. Perhaps my pride got the best of me, as it so often does, and I blinded myself to reality.


Regardless of how it happened, I sit here on the brink of collapse at the edge of despair. I see how quickly a little leaven leavens the whole loaf and how quickly one small justification or compromise threatens to lead to complete disarray.


But your Word trumpets through my soul not allowing me to give in to despair. You remind me as tears fall down my face that You are only being faithful to answer the prayers that I have continued to bring to Your throne. They are prayers for humility, for the ability to love myself, and for the ability to extend grace to myself and to others. Even in the midst of this self-induced trial, You are faithful to work in my life and answer my prayers.


So I cry out, asking not for the hurt to subside, but for your Name to be exalted through my hurt. Lord, I have no good apart from You, and my only hope is to abide in You. Show me thy power and graciously allow me to live in and by it.


Though my flesh and my heart may fail, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. It is by this truth that I rejoice and sing with the heavens, “Worthy is the Lamb!”


Your bond-slave,
Matt

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